Trust in the Lord With All Your Heart

As I write I try to keep a positive tone to my words. It has not always been this way. I went through a long dry spell where I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. This was many years ago and even though I have had struggles in more recent years I try to look at the positive side of life. We are truly blessed with knowing that God loves us and has provided the way for us to enjoy eternity with Him.

If I did not have the Lord in my life at this time I would be wallowing in a self pity party. There are so many things that can overwhelm the soul. As we get older our bodies are wearing out and we need a strong resolve to not give up. At the same time those we love are going through struggles of their own and may need our encouragement. I try to be the one who says the word of encouragement to my loved ones. In the past there were many who helped me along the way.

I had family there for me when my children were young and I needed an extra hand. I don't know how to say this without seeming to be negative about my husband, but I was basically the mother and father to our children. Paul faithfully held a steady job and he was always faithful to me. But I had a very difficult time and went into serious depression for a number of years. Paul did not know how to be the daddy that our children needed. If I said anything he would just say that he didn't do anything. Meaning he did not do anything wrong as far as he could see. I even tried to get help with this situation but had no success.

I did not intend to write about this at this time. I have put my thoughts on paper many times and torn up half of what I put on paper. I am mostly past those hurtful days but they sometimes come back to haunt me. When I see happy families I am jealous and that is not good. I love my husband and my children a lot and want the best for all of them. Thankfully my husband loves the Lord and we share the same values in most ways.

The main thing I wanted to write is about my dear daughter that is going through her own very difficult time. I am able to be most sympathetic and understanding on one hand. But on the other hand I miss having her available to talk to and really be able to communicate with her. She has always been close to me and we can share so much with each other. Problem is I depend on her and she is not well enough to be able to give that much of herself at this time. I am here for her, but mostly I can pray for her. I pray for the Lord to put His healing hand upon her and to put His loving arms around her. Thankfully she loves the Lord and puts her trust in Him.

Not only is my body wearing out, our house is showing it's age and needs a lot of loving care. Over the years we have done our best to do what is needed for the house, but things are multiplying and I need to be a better manager of time and talent. Thankfully Paul keeps the books. But so many things are on my list and not his list. We have sons who do what they can when they are able to be here. I often have a 'honey do list' for at least one of our sons when possible. Actually they each have their own ways of doing for us which are more interesting than what I ask them to do. One son fills our cupboard and refrigerator several times a year. The other son takes us on excursions when he is in town. They are appreciated. They are in my prayers each day.

I need to go to Colorado to see our other daughter and her family. I haven't even seen our great grandson yet. I am missing out on precious moments in time and I can only blame myself. I need to go get my identification updated so I can fly. I will figure out the funds when that time comes. Families are precious and I miss those days when we had our granddaughters here with us. I loved having them nearby when they were little. Thankfully they stay in touch with me on Facebook. I am so glad that they know the Lord.

By trusting in the Lord I get my mind off myself and think on things of greater importance. I can forgive the things which have been negatives in my life. I remember my dear sisters in Christ that were there for me when I was so needy. So many precious moments that I must not forget. How can I testify if I can't share the sad moments that make the happier moments so much more meaningful? Yet there are some things that are buried in the depths of the sea as the old chorus goes.

"Down in the depths of the deep blue sea lie all the sins once charged to me. Buried for time and eternity, down in the deep blue sea."   This is how I remember this old song we sang when I first knew the Lord.