Sharing Our Hearts and Hugs

When I was growing up I don't remember sharing hugs with many people. I'm sure that we would have shared hugs as young children, but I don't remember many hugs. I would have enjoyed this form of affection. We had a lot of interaction as a family in other ways, but the hugs and kisses were missing. I sort of remember Mom interacting in an affectionate way with my youngest sister when we were little. That indicates to me that she probably did the same with my other sister and me when we were younger.

I remember seeing some of my friends giving their parents hugs to say hello or goodbye and thought that was so nice. As a parent it is so natural to hug my children. I guess the busyness of my parents' lives got in the way of hugs and kisses. I don't think they intentionally avoided this ritual. I don't remember much in the way of hugs with grandparents either, but there was always a warm connection otherwise.

The problem is when we start to think any meaningful touching is meant as a girl-boy relationship. I always wanted hugs. I also liked boys so would have loved hugs and even kisses from a special someone. I wonder if I would have been so longing for this if I had the normal hugs from my family. Just a thought.

Paul's mother was totally against parents kissing their children or grandchildren. I don't remember if she was this way about hugs. Yet she was a wonderful grandmother in every way imaginable. She gave so much of herself. She did not like seeing any adults giving their germs to children by kissing them. It was a confusing message for me as an impressionable young mother. I grew up without kissing, yet I really wanted to be affectionate with my children.

Paul's father was quite affectionate as he became a grandfather. This was not how he was when Paul and his brother were little though. He was also affectionate with me as the daughter he never had. Paul followed in his dad's footsteps in that he did not show our children affection. That is what he learned as a child. This goes through the generations. We can change though.

When we were young I don't remember the friendly hugs that people enjoy sharing now days. At church it was a rare occasion for anything more than a handshake. I remember being at a small church in Mexico one time in 1960 where we were greeted with hugs. That is a warm memory. But hugs as a regular Sunday morning greeting was almost unheard of at the churches I regularly attended. Before 1961 we were in the Methodist Church. In 1961 we joined the Baptist Church. We did not usually share hugs at church. It was much later that many brothers and sisters in Christ began being so comfortable with hugging. Of course there were occasional hugs.

We have one special friend that is known for her hugs. We have known Rosalie since we were teenagers  and she has always shared hugs with us. She thought Paul did not really like hugs. I think he did, but had to get used to them. I had to get used to hugs, and I now consider myself to be a hugger too.

I enjoy the warm greetings we share in our churches today. Now days family and friends seem to be comfortable with friendly hugs. Maybe I have just gotten over the idea that hugs are for boy-girl relationships. I think Paul may be getting past that too, realizing that hugs are another way to greet brothers and sisters.

I remember that when I was a teenager one of my friends was surprised that the boy she was with just shook his father's hand instead of hugging him. I would not have thought of that as I don't remember ever seeing a father and son in a warm embrace when I was young. As daughters my sisters and I didn't even hug our parents. That all seems so sad to me now. We all need hugs and kisses and what better place to get them than from our parents?

I eventually got comfortable hugging my mother when she was older. Her second husband used to get upset with me because I did not show Mom affection. My attitude was that is how I was raised so that is how I was. Thankfully I changed over a period of time. Maybe around the time that we started showing more love to each other at church. Not to say we did not love each other, we just needed to be more tender to each other in our families and also our church family. I wish I had overcome that attitude earlier when I still had my Daddy here with me to be able to give him a big hug. I still called him Daddy till the day he died. It was a long time before I stopped calling my mother Mommy. That was our way of showing affection, I guess.

When giving hugs I respect the fact that some people are not comfortable with such greetings. If they prefer a handshake that is also a warm greeting. Just make it gently firm. I do not want to break their hand, but I want to show I care.

I share my heart each day with those I love. I share a smile with those I meet along the way, another way of sharing Jesus' love with others. And when I write a note I put a heart at the bottom of the page to say "you are loved." Otherwise I put my :) on many pages that I write.